Category: Dynasty Trust

How Tough Is Motherhood? - April 23, 2014 by zeldalegacy

I’m forced awake before 6am everyday for another round of this thing that is life. I’m always woken by screams after a night of perhaps five broken hours of sleep. I tend to the basic necessities of two small human beings – I feed, wash and clothe them. I express my love for them. Over […]
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In Search of Tiny Yellow Flowers - April 22, 2014 by zeldalegacy

On Thursday, April 16, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature (1982) took leave of this earth. I learned of his passing late in the evening while perusing the day’s news and was immediately saddened by his passing. The first thing I envisioned was Mexico City blanketed in tiny yellow flowers, as in the passage from One Hundred Years of Solitude etched upon my heart the moment I read and reread the last paragraph of what, if numbered, would be chapter seven:

” Then they went into José Arcadia Buendia’s room, shook him as hard as they could, shouted in his ear, put a mirror in front of his nostrils, but they could not awaken him. A short time later, when the carpenter was taking measurements for the coffin, through the window they saw a light rain of tiny yellow flowers falling. They fell on the town all through the night in a silent storm, and they covered the roofs and blocked the doors and smothered the animals who slept outdoors. So many flowers fell from the sky that in the morning the streets were carpeted with a compact cushion and they had to clear them away with shovels and rakes so that the funeral procession could pass by.”

While many offered and still offer their interpretations of those flowers, the imagery of those magical flowers, the weeping of those petals from the skies, drew me nearer to the language of the novel, immersed me fully in the telling of the story of the Buendia family. I fell in love with the imagination of Señor Garcia Marquez. I prayed my own imagination would blossom from his writing.

In this post, I am not interested in the author’s longtime relationship with Fidel Castro, nor whether or not Garcia Marquez was the first true author of magical realism. Garcia Marquez brought a passion to writing I often lacked. Plus, his ability to weave the magic from an ordinary or extraordinary day, the fantastical elements of nature, and the “Surrealism (that) comes from the reality of Latin America” into his novels captured the story telling I’d heard from various aunts and uncles growing up. Whether at small kitchen tables, back porches, or crowded living rooms, the stories shared were embellishments of a youth long past or the brightened coloring of an impoverished household. Children grew like weeds over night, boys ran faster than the train engines crossing 21st street, tortillas melted like butter upon the tongue, women sang like lipsticked nightingales, and men drank gallons of tequila before passing out upon tiny beds made from serape-draped guitars. Gabriel Garcia Marquez could have been one of my uncles drinking beer at the table with my father. The first time I saw a photo of Garcia Marquez, I knew his laugh would surely be the same as my Uncle Marshall or his brother, my Uncle Jimmy.

So, I was surprised this morning when I learned my parents, especially my mother, were unfamiliar with the author’s works. Following Easter Mass, as we ordered breakfast at Red Bean’s Bayou Grill, my mother asked if I could help her download to her Kindle a book or two “by the writer in Mexico City who just died. The news piece said one of his books is the greatest book ever written and has been read all over the world in many languages.” I felt ashamed I had never introduced my mother, the one who walked with me to the local public library, the one who fueled my passion for books, to the one author who’d captured glimpses of those baritone voices in song around our kitchen table. I told her I would not download to her Kindle, but would bring her my books. She was thrilled.

I will now enjoy rereading Garcia Marquez through my mother. I know she will have questions, and I know she will want to see the film Love in the Time of Cholera, as she always likes to view those movies inspired or adapted from novels. And I will wait to see if she glimpses the magic of her own hard-working life or the realities of the community in which she planted her own trees and flowers. And as she reads, I will begin to write, drawing from the idea of Garcia Marquez,  “…there’s a learning process you have to go through again before you rediscover the warmth that comes over you when you are writing.”  For my own arm is cold, but with the great author’s passing, my soul is warm with inspiration and I am hopeful it will spread to my hands and fingers, but more  importantly, my imagination.

An excerpt from Garden (2011)- Olmsted

            “Her grandmother pinched the live flowers from their stalks, catching their vibrant heads that immediately shriveled and dried as they fell into the woven basket on her arm. As her abuela moved through the garden, she never looked at her granddaughter, and Amalia was relieved. But, why was she afraid of what she might see in the face of her grandmother? Would she look into those brown, almost apologetic eyes, the eyes she recognized in the mirror when she gazed upon her own small face? Would she see the freckled, sagging cheeks Amalia used to hold between her tiny hands. Or would she see something she didn’t recognize? Something long dead. Amalia listened as her grandmother began to sing, her words echoing against the side of the house and filling Amalia with a familiar sadness, “In the train of the absent, I go away, my ticket does not have a return…”













Filed under: Mi Familia, My Writing Life Tagged: Gabriel Garcia Marquez, magical realism, nature, One Hundred Years of Solitude, writing, yellow flowers
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An Open Letter to My Boobs - April 19, 2014 by zeldalegacy

Dear Bionic Boobs, I know you’ve been adjusting to your new digs since the reconstruction surgery seven months ago. I’ve protected you from wild elbows, supported you with a bra, and exercised you by smooshing you girls together. (Doctor’s orders.) You seem happy enough and pretty perky. I do have some concerns. One night, I […]
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I am a Nationalist - April 19, 2014 by zeldalegacy

By David Morgan There you go – I’ve said it. I subscribe to a political philosophy that (in the context of the Scottish Independence debate at least) dare not speak its name. The very word itself has become a term of almost universal opprobrium. Whether it’s Scot Nats, Cybernats or Brit Nats the very word […]
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Stuck in Password Hell - April 17, 2014 by zeldalegacy

It has to be the most common annoyance experienced by users of technology everywhere.  As soon as you want to partake in the pleasures and treasures of modern comforts, a password is required.  For every frigging thing.

Where did they get my list of passwords from?

Where did they get my list of passwords from?

A password is required if you want to buy stuff, read stuff, access stuff, post stuff, play stuff, write stuff, approve stuff, release stuff.  A password is even required if you just want to retrieve your own goddamn stuff.  You end up with a thousand different places where you need to type in those eight crucial characters.

The problem is an obvious one:  What normal human being has the ability to remember all the different passwords that is required for daily functioning?

No one, I tell ya.  Not one single person.  (And Spock is not a person.)

The reality is that most people simply pick one.  A password for everything.  One word that rule them all.  One that grants the user the ability to access everything about you.  A whole Internet portfolio available if you know the crazy combination of the user.  Allowing cyber criminals the opportunity, to not only hijack your credit card, but steal your blood and kidneys as well.

The second conundrum in selecting a password is finding something that you will remember tomorrow.

So it will most probably end up being something relatable.  Something the user likes or dislikes.  Maybe a favourite movie.  Or band.  And this proves that the spy movies are accurate.  You know which ones I’m referring too?  Those where the hacker sits and access a computer because he sees a painting in the study and types in the painter’s name that appears on the golden frame.  And we think what poor sod would choose such an obvious, easy password?  And we laugh at the ridiculousness of the scene.  The absurdity of another Hollywood cop-out.

Well here’s my little secret.  I’m very close to that sod.  I am SO hackable.  Hollywood might know something after all.

Anyhow, if I didn’t have a word to rule them all, then I’ll probably end up with this sequence next time I want to check my non-existing bank balance:

Please enter log in name:


Your password has expired.  Please enter new password:


Your password requires a minimum of eight characters.  Please try again:


Your password requires a capital letter.  Please try again:


Your password requires a numeric number. Please try again:

1 Thorshammer

Your password doesn’t allow spaces. Please try again:


Your password requires a symbol key.  Please try again:


Your password doesn’t allow subsequent capital letters.  Please try again:


That password is already in use.  Please try again:


And I’m off to my happy place with my good friend Jack.  (which I got on credit.)

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Banana Bread Stuffed Baked Apples - April 11, 2014 by zeldalegacy

Banana Bread Stuffed Baked Apples

Any time you stuff a something into another thing, you’re going to have a pretty good time. This has been proven time, and time, and time again. Also, Puppy Surprise. It’s a weird thing we, the American people, have with things inside of things making both A and B things better as a C thing. It’s like we cannot get enough of everything ever all at once. Case in point? The Turducken. USA! USA! USA!

Banana Bread Stuffed Baked Apples

Patriotism aside/NEVER PUT PATRIOTISM ASIDE, this recipe just makes me super happy. It’s an absolute game-changer with the game being you-having-more-friends. I’ve made it once before but that banana bread wasn’t vegan and honestly, this one is just all around better. Finesse. We can call it finesse. (I mostly just know how to use knives better now.) Some people think vegan baked goods are dry or crumbly or sorta yuck but that’s what makes baking in an apple so successful – it keeps the banana bread extra moist and the boost of baked apple flavor doesn’t hurt either. All around goodness.

Big tip I’m just learning about now that will probably rock your life as hard as it rocked mine: I’ve been making flax “eggs” wrong this whole time. I know! It’s fucking ridiculous! One day you’re living your life thinking everything’s coming up Molly and WHAM you’re sideswiped by a big slap of reality. Thank you Bonzai Aphrodite (that’s a thing I say out loud all the time, sure) for bringing this to my attention. Apparently, if you refrigerate the flax/water mixture for about 15 minutes, it makes for an exponentially better binder. We’ll just refer to it as the Lisa Frank (Egg-less) Binder. Nice.

Banana Bread Stuffed Baked Apples

Makes 8 game-changers


  • 8 apples (Braeburn apples work really well. Granny Smiths do not.)
  • 1¾ cups spelt flour
  • ¼ cup almond flour/meal
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon of salt
  • 8 tablespoons (1 stick) of vegan butter
  • 12 packets of Truvia
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup
  • 2 tablespoons of ground flax seed + 6 tablespoons of water (see below for tips on making your egg-less binder way better)
  • 4 very ripe bananas, mashed
  • 2 tablespoons almond milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½ teaspoon cinnamon
  • 2 teaspoons Splenda brown sugar blend

some people are calling it dynamite…

Prepare those apples! I used a melon baller because duh I own a melon baller. You can also use a knife. Or your special stabbin’ spoon. Either cut out or melon baller out (technical terms) the stem area. From there, carefully scoop out the insides of your apple. Keep no less than a 1/2″ inch thick wall inside your apple. Also, don’t break through the bottom. I’ve been trying for literally ones of minutes to think of a clearer way to scoop out the apples. I cannot. Godspeed.

Combine your dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Set aside. Whisk together your water and ground flax. Refrigerate it for at least 15 minutes. It should thicken and get stickier.

Cream your buttery sticks and Truvia with an electric mixer or your own brute strength. Add in the maple syrup. Mix. Add in that mindblowing new flaxseed/water mixture. Mix mix mix. Add in the mashed bananas and almond milk. Mix! Mix in the vanilla. Add the cinnamon and give your batter another go round in the mixer. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture at a low speed on your mixer. Try not to overbeat it. (There are so , so many jokes here.)

Fill your apple with around 70g of your mixture – for me that filled about 2/3 of an apple. Sprinkle 1/4 of a teaspoon of Splenda brown sugar blend on top of the batter in the filled apples.  Sprinkle a little cinnamon on top of that.

Find a baking dish with corners and significant depth (cake pan, roasting dish, loaf pan, other things) and line it with some tin foil or parchment paper. You’re going to want to bake the apples no more than 4 at a time because you’re going to want to place an apple in each corner and I refuse to believe you have a octagonal baking pan.

Bake for 35 minutes or so. Let them cool a bit before diving it. Also, you probably want to cut them in half and eat a half because you’re a lady/will probably end up eating all the damn banana bread stuffed baked apples because daaaaaamn.

They’d also be good on top of vanilla ice cream. But so would my shoe.


NUTRITION (this one’s a doozy): 346 calories . 44g carbs . 15g fat . 6g protein . 8g fiber . 22g sugar

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What\’s the Right Analogy for Rwanda? - April 5, 2014 by zeldalegacy

As the 20th anniversary of the start of the Rwandan genocide approaches on April 7, people who don’t usually pay much attention to African politics will be seeing two main types of commemorative stories about the country.  The first will focus on the incredible progress that Rwanda has made in areas like fighting corruption, promoting economic growth, and rolling out universal health insurance.  The second will acknowledge these domestic policy achievements, but note that Kagame’s government has also been repressing political expression, physically attacking its opponents, and fostering rebellions in the neighboring DR Congo.   Underlying some of these concerns about domestic repression is the fear that ethnic grievances from the genocide era have only been partially addressed, and that these could spill over into renewed conflict in the future.

These two sets of stories present such diametrically opposed visions of the country that I think many people will feel that they can’t both be equally true.   One must trump the other in the final analysis, right?  Either the big development goals are being met, at the short term cost of lesser goals like freedom of speech, or these gains are secondary to the threat posed by the RPF’s willingness to use violence to achieve its ends.  I too find myself struggling with this tendency to weigh the two narratives against each other.  I am generally concerned about the patterns of repression that can be seen today, but I’m also aware that this leads me to discount some amazing development achievements that I’m sure I would be endlessly commending if they had took place in, say, Ghana.  It feels uncharitable at best and dishonest at worse to look past these accomplishments.

Since it’s hard to weigh the situation in Rwanda on its own merits, it’s common to try to explain it through analogy.  Kagame himself is fond of saying that he’d like Rwanda to be the Singapore of Africa – a tiny country that punches far above its economic weight.  Singapore, of course, has achieved its own growth through a similar combination of good governance and repression of dissent.  However, when most foreigners think of Singapore today, I suspect they’re contemplating its role as an international financial hub, its insanely expensive rents, and its great culinary diversity rather than its freedom of the press.  The obvious conclusion here, if you believe that Rwanda really is on a path to emulate Singapore, is that in 50 years no one will care about a spot of repression today, because it won’t have any negative long term effects.

On the other hand, there are analogies which express more concern over the RPF’s authoritarianism.  Laura Seay tweeted last month that “Rwanda today is terrifyingly like Rwanda circa 1992.  Power held by a tiny minority, no real freedom.  Development is better, but fragile.”  The point here is not that Kagame’s government is using its power to start planning a genocide, as the Habyarimana government was doing in 1992 – whatever its faults, the RPF is definitely not out to kill every citizen it perceives as a threat to its power.  Rather, the point is that extreme concentration of power can be politically destabilizing, and potentially lead to renewed conflict.  In 1992, Rwanda was in the middle of a civil war between the Hutu-led Habyarimana government and Kagame’s RPF, at that point a rebel group based in Uganda.  Kagame and many of his companions were the children of Tutsis who had been driven out of Rwanda when a Hutu government came to power at independence in 1962. Lacking any impartial or democratic means to redress these ethnic grievances, they formed an armed group instead, and invaded in 1990 after a series of economic crises had weakened Habyarimana’s authoritarian control.

There are several implications of this analogy.  Most obviously, it suggests that there’s a problem with the RPF’s ban on discussions of ethnic identity, which means that ethnicized grievances among both Hutu and Tutsi can’t be openly resolved.  At this point both sides have complaints about everything from the RPF’s behavior during and after the genocide to contemporary land policy.  It’s by no means guaranteed that these issues will spill over into violent rebellion, of course – they might simply simmer at a local level, or even fade away as shared economic growth and the passage of time reduce some of the sting of current grievances. However, the other lesson of this analogy is that conflict doesn’t always happen immediately.  After 1962, exiled Tutsis made a handful of attempts to invade Rwanda, but it was nearly 30 years before the RPF succeeded.  Authoritarian stability today doesn’t necessarily predict stability in the future.

So which is the “right” analogy?  I still don’t really know.  For a number of reasons, I think it’s harder to finance a violent rebellion in most African countries today than it was in the mid-1990s.  The RPF’s control of the countryside is strong, as is the Rwandan military.  It’s hard to imagine how they could become sufficiently disorganized that other armed groups could form within the country, or even pose a real threat across its borders.  Of course, if a severe schism formed within the party (as happened with the SPLM in South Sudan recently), this could change the balance of power.  Ultimately, the analogy you prefer may come down to your tolerance for risk.  Mitigating the chance of a worse-case outcome under the “Rwanda in 1992″ analogy may seem like a better policy choice for some people than trying to maximize the chance of high economic growth under the Singapore scenario.

Filed under: Conflict, Development, Governance, Rwanda
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Maester Class: Game of Thrones Is Back - April 3, 2014 by zeldalegacy

Game of Thrones, television’s most consistent show, returns this Sunday night for its fourth season at the peak of its powers and popularity. A series that launched as an enormous, pricey gamble — how many characters? And she does what with the horse heart? — now swaggers like a front-running sure thing. More than 13 million people watched last year’s Red Wedding, in which slashed necks burbled like shaken bottles of champagne — and that’s not counting the untold millions who crashed the party via illegal downloads and “borrowed” HBO GO passwords. It’s the sort of swelling, fanatical audience HBO hasn’t achieved since the heyday of another violent show about warring clans, The Sopranos. And Thrones’ cultural footprint is only expanding. In the run-up to Sunday’s premiere, the cast and crew have been laying siege to the media with the vigor and relentlessness of Stannis Baratheon’s fleet sailing on King’s Landing. Here’s the cast lounging on the rocks on the cover of Vanity Fair; there they are unwinding at the beach on costar Lena Headey’s delightfully chill Instagram feed. Two weeks ago, HBO feted the series with a gala premiere at Lincoln Center followed by a lavish party at the American Museum of Natural History. At the former, the New York Philharmonic played “The Rains of Castamere” and an auditorium full of jaded media types gasped and cheered like Lannister teenagers. At the latter, Peter Dinklage and Alfie Allen gobbled sushi while society reporters hovered around them like flies. Winter may still be coming, but Game of Thrones appeared to be in full bloom.

With its Season 4 just days away, Game of Thrones has reached a saturation point reserved only for the best and most beloved of TV shows. These are the good times, the glory days, when crew and critics alike are flashing the same contented smiles. It’s the moment when the x-axis of audience anticipation and the y-axis of satisfaction cross like the sigil of House Bolton. For some series, this happens early in the run — think Lost after the first-season finale — for others, it occurs as a show’s story engine revs up in preparation for the final turn. With Breaking Bad gone and Mad Men exiting, Game of Thrones’ ascent feels especially significant: It’s now the last consensus show on the air, a pan-demographic Goliath that successfully juggles the adrenalized whomp of a summer blockbuster with the attention-demanding intricacy of a prestige drama. Even with the existence of those physical spoilers known as “books,” Thrones obsessives wouldn’t dare miss their Sunday-night trip to Westeros. It’s the sort of shared, albeit occasionally horrifying, experience that is becoming less and less common as our entertainment becomes increasingly more personalized.

In fact, there’s so much good feeling heading into this new season that it’s almost unsettling. As a critic — but more important in this case, as a fan — I feel like a Stark stuck listening to the best man’s speech and waiting for the music to change. How can a show built around so much carnage and strife be so uniformly celebrated and beloved? And how, by the old gods and the new, can it possibly stay that way?



Before we climb that wall, let’s dig down a bit. It’s no secret that TV shows receive the most attention when they begin and when they end. It’s a Darwinian binary that syncs up well with the fevered way we cover television these days — in which everything is The! Best! Ever! (unless it’s The Worst) — but doesn’t reflect the way we actually watch. Whether we binge in great gulps or limit ourselves to satisfying weekly sips, TV is best experienced as an ongoing relationship. It ought to be enjoyed in the moment as something much more than the sum total of a meet-cute and a breakup. This is especially relevant this week with the howling rage over the How I Met Your Mother finale threatening to drown out all discourse. The end of something shouldn’t define it, even if all our frustrations — and a good portion of the Internet — are loudly telling us otherwise.

And yet in 2014, even the humble network sitcom finds itself perched on the knife blade of opinion from week to week, forever at risk of falling, like a Dothraki from his horse, from favor to disgrace.[footnote]One could argue that I’ve contributed to this atmosphere with my weekly recaps of shows. But I’ve always felt that the recap can be a vital and exciting way to deepen the connection with a series. When done well, a recap doesn’t provide a Gladiator-like up-or-down verdict on a show. It should extend the conversation, not end a debate.[/footnote] There’s no universally agreed-upon term for when a series, like Game of Thrones, is at its peak. (If Jack Donaghy were still in charge of NBC — instead of current president Kenneth Parcell — he’d call it Reaganing. I’m partial to “shooting J.R.”) But there is a more noxious term for the exact opposite scenario, when a once-adored show either founders on the rocks of critical opinion or is stoned to death by a mob of exasperated former fans.

“Jumping the shark” owes its origin to Happy Days but its persistence to cynicism. The eagerness some have to identify the precise moment a show becomes irredeemable has never made any sense to me. It reeks of the sort of entrenched pessimism that makes genuine engagement impossible. It’s like watching Olympic skiing and rooting for the mountain. Besides, the thing that makes TV so unique and exciting is that, contrary to what the shark-jumpers would have you believe, it’s always in flux. The open-ended nature of TV production guarantees that even if your favorite show finds itself all at sea, there will always be a chance to right the ship.[footnote]One of the most interesting aspects of the outrage that greeted this week’s finale of How I Met Your Mother was the implication that show creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas erred only by planning things out too precisely. The ending they imagined back in 2005 turned out to be less a neat way to tie off loose ends and more of a noose.[/footnote]

How does this apply to Game of Thrones? Well, on the one hand, it doesn’t, at least not exactly. The show remains unique, not only in its reach but in its — sorry, Ned Stark — execution. The comforting safety net of George R.R. Martin’s expansive novels allows showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss the luxury of devoting their energies to the sorts of niceties that bedevil more traditional producers, things like “pacing” and “structure.” Despite the enormous budget (the largest in TV), ever-expanding cast (ditto), and a far-flung plot that demands three separate crews filming in three disparate European cities (Belfast, Dubrovnik, and Reykjavik), the prevailing sensation of Game of Thrones is calm. Not the character-based calm that dominates other high-profile hours — Frank Underwood’s duplicity on House of Cards has to remain uncovered for at least another season; Alicia Florrick will be The Good Wife for the long haul — but the calm that comes only from a well-appointed train ride on tracks that have already been laid.

Because Benioff and Weiss know where they’re going, decisions that might sink lesser series — the season-long marginalization (and mutilation!) of Theon Greyjoy, for example — are met with patience, not fury.[footnote]OK, in fairness, I was pretty ticked.[/footnote] TV viewers are increasingly savvy, but also paranoid; we refer to our viewing choices as investments and balk when our money managers give off even the slightest whiff of doubt. The long arc of Martin’s story has freed Benioff and Weiss from those sorts of inquiries, but in the process it may also have unfairly diminished the magnitude of their achievement. The Red Wedding was truly shocking, a moment unlike any other in TV history. For fans demanding huge returns, it was the equivalent of a Publishers Clearing House novelty check with the long line of zeros written in dripping blood. Everything — and everyone — that went down in that castle had been painstakingly set up for more than two and a half seasons. Benioff and Weiss knew exactly what they were doing, taking particular delight in the way their audience — still scarred and shaking over what happened to Ned Stark in Season 1 — had only just recently begun to trust again.[footnote]Would anyone actually blame us if we declined to stick our necks out a third time? At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Season 4 ended with Arya Stark being shivved in the heart by a mewling, adorable smoke-kitten.[/footnote] The real achievement of that stunning episode wasn’t the body count, it was the elegance and skill with which it was tallied.

Which is an important thing to remember, since no road map can cover everything. Eventually every traveler will hit the uncharted region marked “Here Be Monsters.” (Of course, in Westeros that could just be spray-painted over the entire continent.) For Game of Thrones, that time may be approaching sooner than we realize. The new season, like the one that preceded it, contains events from the third of Martin’s novels. There are two published books remaining for Benioff and Weiss to adapt. Martin insists the sixth novel in the series, The Winds of Winter, will be out relatively soon. This is tough to believe, as the gap between his books has begun yawning wider than the Shivering Sea: The first three novels were separated by roughly two years each; then there was a five year wait for Book 4, and it was six for Book 5. As a gesture of good faith, Martin recently posted a chapter from Winter on his website. Rather than instill hope, it had roughly the same effect as a finger being mailed to the family of a kidnap victim.

Benioff and Weiss have spoken of their series lasting seven seasons, which suggests an end date just three years away. It also suggests they don’t plan on respecting Martin’s glacial publishing schedule. It’s a fact of which Martin isn’t ignorant but one he seems hell-bent on ignoring. In the expansive Vanity Fair cover story, he expressed hope that HBO might consider pausing production should it run the risk of lapping his authorly endeavors.[footnote]He’s also taken to hyping the possibility of a Thrones movie as a way to do justice to the scope of his finale. But this strikes me as a way to free his intellectual property from the demanding yoke of HBO’s production schedule.[/footnote] Some might read this as vain, but it struck me as sweetly naive. Until now, Martin has been indulged by Thrones, greeted and fawned over like a Maester and encouraged to contribute a teleplay each year. But the TV business cares about accuracy and creative vision only as long as they are profitable. The minute Martin’s imagination threatens to derail the money train, he’ll be tossed out along with it.


But would this necessarily be such a bad thing? Though I’ve not read a single page of Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire — I prefer to cover the work as a TV series first, a fact I’ll be repeating ad nauseam for the next 10 weeks — I’ve been warned by many who have that they’ve found them to offer significantly diminishing returns. Until now, Benioff and Weiss have been able to bolster their meandering epic with judicious mounds of red meat: a surprise beheading here, a savage castration there. But much of the big game has already been hunted. Though the remaining characters are still sprawled across two continents, Game of Thrones for the first time appears ready to contract rather than expand its scope. It’s a natural pivot for any long-running series, but it still seems surprising on a show so devoted to grandly clearing its throat. (Sorry, Cat Stark.) Even the new characters introduced early in Season 4 — including Pedro Pascal’s wonderfully slithery Prince Oberyn Martell — seem determined to thin the cast list rather than add to it. Who knows how many Red Weddings remain to shock us?[footnote]Note: If you actually do know the answer to this, please, please, please don’t tell me.[/footnote] What if Daenerys’s desert ramble starts to look less like this and more like this?

Should such a circumstance arise, I have total faith in Benioff and Weiss to do what generations of TV showrunners and scheming Lannisters have done before: adjust. After watching Sunday’s premiere — no spoilers to follow, I swear on the Sept — I was reminded of how the real pleasures of Game of Thrones derive not from the swords but from the people swinging them. To me, the early episodes of the season always evoke the first day of summer camp — not just because it’s muddy and the rich blond kids are acting like bullies, but because they provide a wonderful chance to catch up on old friends. Look, there’s Jaime Lannister all cleaned up and within stump’s reach of his beloved sister! Hey, Jon Snow and Samwell Tarly are reunited on the safe[footnote]“Safe.”[/footnote] side of the wall! And get a load of Arya and the Hound, still enacting the best mismatched buddy comedy since Turner & Hooch! Why worry so much about the destination when the ale is flowing and the company’s so good?

Game of Thrones is an intensely modern show, both in form and content. But it’s worth noting how strongly it resists the sort of online hyper-dissection that can either carry a series aloft or tear it apart, limb by limb, like a starving mob in Flea Bottom. The show proceeds at its own stately pace, telling its own knotty story. Rather than be concerned that future seasons might mar the world that Martin, Benioff, and Weiss have painstakingly created, it’s probably healthier — for your sake and mine — to focus instead on the majesty of that world as it exists now. The night may well be dark and full of terrors, but rest easy: We’re still hours away from dusk.

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Sex, Poop, and Periods - March 24, 2014 by zeldalegacy

If you were born after 1980 then you may have a hard time believing what I’m about to tell you; but I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not about this: Once upon a time, in my lifetime, it was taboo to talk about breasts. There were no self-exam posters on gym locker room walls; there […]
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The Colbert-Costanza Approach: How I Picked My Bracket - March 21, 2014 by zeldalegacy

I remember doing an NCAA Basketball Tournament bracket pool (no money, of course) with my two brothers and parents a few years ago. We hung up our brackets on the refrigerator and compared each other’s progress as the tournament raged on.

“You have all No.1 seeds in your Final Four. You’re screwed, that has never happened,” my brother tells me.

“You never know,” I replied.

Luckily, it was 2008, a year when the stars just seemed to align. Kansas, Memphis, UCLA and North Carolina all made the Final Four that year as the No. 1 seed in each regional.

That year also happened to be one of the first years I started actually following college basketball. I was ecstatic. I was going to win the grand family prize, which probably meant the winner probably got to pick his or her favorite place to eat when it was all over.

With that attitude, Lee Corso would look me dead and the eye and say, “Not so fast, my friend.”

My mother also had the top seeds in each regional in each Final Four. She had all the Elite Eight teams, too. And she had the two finalists in the championship. And she had Kansas winning it all. I wasn’t as lucky. My mother won the family pool. She hadn’t watched basketball nearly as much as I did, or any of my brothers for that matter. But she just happened to pick who she felt were the best teams in the tournament.

So it goes.Screen Shot 2014-03-19 at 7.12.24 PM

Then there was the year I did an online bracket challenge with friends. I picked every Round of 64 game correctly, with the exception of Duke and Mizzou, both losing to 15-seeds. I was in first place until I lost nearly every matchup in the Round of 32. I want to say I finished 39th out of 45 toward the end. Really sad.

So it goes.

I’ve had a rough history will all this bracket-picking stuff. Therefore, I have developed a new system to my bracket-picking science — if you want to call it a science. I call it the “Stephen Colbert Approach,” as all of my picks are made off of the concept of “truthiness.” Truthiness, a word coined by Colbert, is the feeling that things are true. It doesn’t necessarily imply that said things are accurate or right. It just means you want them to be right.

Here’s a little look at my bracket. See what I mean?

Click to zoom in.

You see that? My Final Four teams are Florida, Iowa State, Wisconsin and Louisville. Very popular picks for the most part. But take a look at the other rounds.

S.F. Austin beating VCU in the Second Round? Providence upsetting North Carolina? Harvard over the Bearcats? Nebraska advancing to face Creighton? San Diego State in the Elite Eight? Kevin from last year would be calling Kevin this year a lunatic. A moron.

But how accurate was I last year? Not even close. The year before that? And before that? Disaster.

I have an alternate name for this system: “The Costanza System,” in reference to “Seinfeld” character George and his desire to approach everything in the opposite direction of his normal behavior. If every instinct I have is wrong, then the opposite would be right. Hey, it got him a job with the Yankees, didn’t it?

Costanza's everything in the opposite direction of what you would normally do.

Costanza’s approach…do everything in the opposite direction of what you would normally do.

My bracket isn’t exactly crazy. My Final Four teams aren’t too standard, but they’re also very popular among fans and analysts. But it’s a totally different bracket than I would have imagined to fill out in years past, especially in the earlier rounds. Plus, I was getting really tired of how bland and awful the so-called experts’ brackets looked. Sorry, Mr. President, but your bracket is lame. (OK, that was a low-blow, but I appreciate that he fills out a bracket every year.) Truthiness almost requires that you don’t listen to “experts.” It’ll only hurt. Who had VCU in the Final Four as an 11-seed a few years ago? Who had Mizzou losing to Norfolk State in 2012?

Yet again, I’m not exactly Biff Tannen from “Back to the Future.” I don’t carry around a sports almanac from the future in the back pocket of my blue jeans. There are no crystal balls in athletics. In an irrational, chaotic world of college basketball, this could be the one year all one seeds make it and everything is perfect. On the other hand, this could be the year a 16-seed destroys Virginia, Arizona or any of the other one-seeds for the first time in history.

The point is, I feel that the best solution to picking your bracket isn’t necessarily analyzing every bit of it down to its core, but rather analyzing with your gut, your instinct. My mother had all match-ups from the Elite Eight and on without watching 1/100th of the basketball my brothers and I watched in 2008. Pick Providence to survive and advance because they just won a Big East title. Pick S.F. Austin because they’ve only lost two games all season. Pick Nebraska beating Baylor just because you want to see a B1G underdog win just once. Pick Duke to lose first round, just because it feels right. Truthiness, my friends.

It’s weird to think I just sort of justified that the philosophies of two television characters can help you pick your bracket — and you might think it’s stupid — but hey, it’s the NCAA Tournament. You and I will be scratching our heads in no time when everything on our brackets goes as haphazardly as we expect it to. Just like Costanza imagined.

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